Dreaming of Meijer

Another restless night. I thought I was done dreaming of work, specifically work at Meijer, where I spent 24 years as a manager.

When I lost my job (that's another post) six years ago, I spent many. many nights dreaming that I was back at work at some version of a job. Sometimes I was sneaking in, sometimes I had been accepted back, always I wondered whether I had punched in.

But I had, I thought, grown past that, and hadn't had those types of dreams recently. But, whether it's the anxiety over the upcoming "Hook of the Book" conference on Saturday, or the anxiety of my almost seamless cloak of procrastination, or just something I ate, the dream was back again.

And once it comes back, I can spend hours in the middle of the night going over and over all of the minute details of what went wrong, and where I failed.

But, I am here where I need to be. Our finances are shaky (sometimes downright frightening). We're nursing a 10 year old car through 250,000 miles, and Emily is looking to go to college, and we have to put up $14,000 for her first year. Still, I am where I need to be, poised on the Next Step.

Ruth posted on FaceBook today about my new YA writing project (not exactly new. I started it in the fall). She is happy with the writing that she's seen, and the story bones that I've described, and she wished to cheer me on as I took a nap. That, to  her, is my Next Step.

So here's the anxiety part: I know I can write. I owed my online critique group a "May offering," so I broke down and wrote one in 3 days, a chapter where Mitch meets the bad guy. And I got a "Wow!" and a "the best writing of yours I've ever seen."

My writing hero is Loren D. Estleman, not because he's an excellent writer (which he is) but because he's a prolific writer (more than 70 novels.) He writes every day.

That's who I need to be. It'll solve all my problems, because if I write every day, I'll finish drafts and start submitting and eventually sell my books.

And I'll, hopefully, stop having my job dreams. Because I'll be living my dream.